Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Motorbike day

What I can work on to improve my writing
Use interesting words (adjectives, verbs, simile, onomatopoeia
Use variety of time words and end with my thoughts/feelings of the day.
To check my work to make my story way more better.

Whaea Lana’s comment
Good amount of detail. Some great writing you have set Tamaiti Look forward to teaching you and seeing your improvement this year. Another goal will by trying to add complexity.

                            In the holidays

In the holidays me my dad, my brothers went to go pick up a motorbike in Marsden point, It was a far as. When my dad, my brothers and I got there, the man was riding the motorbike. We all put the motorbike on the back of the my dads white Ford truck. When we were on the way to my uncle Boyboy's house it was far far away. It was very hot in the truck I had to wind down my window. It was so so hot. When we got to my uncle's house I said to my dad.
"I’m hungry."
My dad said.
"Go ask your uncle."
And I said.
"Ok then, don't get the motor bike off yet yup?"
So I went inside and ask my uncle if he could make a kai for us he said.
So I went outside to go get the motorbike off the back off the truck. Billy took me for a ride on the motorbike. Billy and I went home for a swim. We stayed at home and waited for my dad and brother. When they got home my dad said. "Uncle said you missed out."
So Billy cooked some eggs for us. It was so so yummy. Shortly after Andy and Matt came down to my house on their motorbike. We all went for a ride except my brothers, just Billy and I, we went up the bush, it was freaky. We had seen a hawk, it was very freaky. When we got back from our ride on the motorbike, it was getting dark, so Andy and his dad went home. When they went home, I slipped quietly into my bed and then I went by my dad, he was outside he said.
"Go back inside now."
I went back on my bed and went to sleep. I felt so tired.